Where does happiness live?

Do you consider yourself a happy person? What about your friends and relatives, how many of them will answer positively to that question? I would like to reflect today about our pursuit of happiness. I will not talk about why some of us have an easier life than others, rather about how people with similar lives and problems, have different perceptions, reactions and attitude regarding their life.

First of all, let’s establish common ground about what happiness is. As an abstract concept, it could have a different definition for everyone. Nevertheless, we can probably agree in saying that happiness is a long lasting feeling of content and satisfaction that is not limited to a specific moment or cause. Notice that I mention the words “long lasting”. We are not talking here about the joy of the moment, the “sugar high”. We are talking about the elusive feeling that inspires poems, music and paintings, whether it is because of the bliss of its presence or because of the pain of its absence or sometimes its unattainable nature.

Now, let’s imagine any average person that you know. Think about people with normal problems, not with big dramas or challenges. Who do you think is happy? Who do you think is not? There are many articles and statistics about this subject, including considerations such as: countries where we live, gender, wealth, jobs, religious beliefs, or applying the famous Maslow´s Hierarchy of Needs. However, simplifying most statistics conclude that once basic needs are met (or even barely met), all these parameters are irrelevant. They notice that the feeling of belonging to a social group and having some kind of religious or spiritual belief are often a common factor in happiness. They all arrive to the conclusion also, that money or material comfort, are definitely not an important factor. I believe there is a little bit of truth in most of these studies, but today I want to tell you what I notice about the happy people that I know, beyond those considerations.

Probably the most important thing that I see is that happy people do not identify with their life or their situation. This is my personal definition of freedom. They do not rely on any external factor in order to feel happiness. They are happy even if, at a given moment, they feel upset, or sad. They “are” intrinsically happy even if they “feel” different emotionally at some point. That makes me think that if both feelings are possible at the same time, it is safe to conclude that happiness is not an emotional response, but a state that is generated and developed at a deeper level. Is happiness a state of the soul ?

Most people get trapped in the belief that certain requirements are needed for us to be happy. Their life is a constant pursuit of steps that are considered necessary, like finishing a degree, finding love , having a good job, having kids or improving one’s appearance. The truth is that happy people are happy regardless of their situation. They are not necessarily the most wealthy, healthy, beautiful or successful from a social point of view, but they are the most morally and spiritually advanced. That may be a reason why, with the same circumstances or environment some are happy some are not. Life is in constant movement, and challenges are part of it. To be alive is, by definition, to be vulnerable, to be at risk, to have problems, to encounter situations that we label as positive and others that we consider negative. If we expect to find happiness when all situations in our life are under control or just how we like them, it would be an elusive and fleeting conquest. For the same reason, when asked about this subject, some people told me that happiness is not possible because it would mean to be in denial about all suffering in the world. How can anybody be happy when many others are victims of violence, injustice, slavery, extreme poverty…? The answer is not to be in denial about it, but to embrace it as a challenge, as something worthy of working on. It is similar to unconditional love, we don’t love somebody because they are perfect, we love them despite their flaws. Not because we don’t see them, but because we embrace them as a whole. When we do this, we are operating following directions from our soul, not from our mind. Let’s have a closer look at this concept.

Humans are multidimensional. No matter what your religious beliefs are, or if you have any, most of us would agree in describing humans as complex, multidimensional beings, with a physical body, a mental body, an emotional body, and a soul, or spiritual body. Although the last three are of a more subtle nature. During our life, as well as during our every day moments, we operate from one dimension or another. The needs of our bodies will determine what we do some times, our thoughts or our feelings will guide us at other moments.

There is nothing wrong with that, except when there is an imbalance, or we live centered too much in one of them. Let’s consider a simplified overview of this theory: when our physical bodies are in charge of our life, we have individuals with addictions (alcohol, food, sex, drugs…) In those cases, physical pleasure is taking the central stage of our life, not leaving space for anything else, and inhibiting or disregarding other aspects, like our emotional or our mental bodies. When our mental dimension is controlling the other three, we have an individual that rationalizes everything to the point of disregarding emotions and feelings, or disrespecting the body. Workaholics, relationship challenged people, are possible examples of this group. What happens when is our emotional body is the one wearing the crown? That will lead to emotionally unstable people. It seems clear that we need a balance, healthy people have a balance in which all our bodies fulfill their roles and are satisfied and fulfilled in return.

However what is the role of our spiritual body, soul, solar angel, essence or whatever name you are comfortable with? Our soul carries the blueprint, the plan of incarnation. Our essence, unlike our personality is who we really are. All our other bodies are vehicles and useful tools to accomplish our life purpose. They are subdued to our essence, which is the source of guidance for our lives. From this point of view,happiness is not something to achieve, it is a measure of achievement. When this balance is in place, we are happy. When there is an unnatural or unintended order, we feel discomfort, pain or emptiness. Those feelings are often just a sign of our essence been ignored. Obviously we don’t ignore it purposely, we do it by focusing our attention in one or another of our other dimensions. For many people, to follow their essence is a natural process. They are unaware of it, they are just naturally happy and they don’t need the consciousness of observing or understanding the process. For others, like me, it has been a discovery, a trip that became conscious at a given moment. It does not matter how our journey is, the pursuit of happiness is really the pursuit of our life purpose, as it should be our natural state. As such, it is a good guide for when we need to change direction, or when we need to know that we are following our path.

I believe that, after all those considerations, happiness seems more attainable. First, we need to understand that it is a choice, it is our right and it is our natural state. Our images or our beliefs determine our reality, so the first step is to notice what our beliefs are and to challenge the ones that are not useful in our lives, or that stand in the way of us having a more fulfilling life.

The second step is to be aware of our spiritual nature. This is called awakening; using a J.K.Rowling simile, it is the difference between muggles and wizards. Using a Mafalda approach, it is the difference between us living our lifes or life driving us. In my own words, consciousness is the difference between feeling alive and happy versus just surviving. To be aware of our spiritual nature means to realize that we are eternal spirits, temporarily incarnated in a body, and not the other way round.

The third step is to learn how to witness our feelings, our thoughts, our attitudes, noticing what is important for us, what is in tune with our purpose. This will require total honesty, so we can recognize when are we acting following old patterns determined by our egos, traditions, or by what other people expect of us. We will also notice where we feel trapped and powerless.

From there, we need to make choices that honor our true needs. Those choices will eventually shape our relationships, our jobs, our appearance and our lives. In this way, how we deal with all obstacles will determine our growth.

To sum up, happiness is not a selfish objective, but a birthright and a natural state, that has the purpose of evaluating and measuring how our life is enfolding. To be present, to develop our consciousness and to learn how to witness our inner processes are a good way to find happiness. Aren’t we lucky that our g uide for controlling our growth and improvement is through pleasure?

By Helena Aramendia. Allowed the partial or total reproduction as long as the source is credited.

The power of a hug.

The above photograph was published in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette, November 18th 1995. Kyrie is the little one with a red dot that hugs her little sister Brielle, and that’s their story.

Both Jackson’s twins were born October 17th 1995 in the Massachusetts Central Medical Center, twelve weeks premature. The medical staff looked after the twins in two separated incubators. Kyrie, that was two pounds three ounces at birth, was sleeping and gaining weight with all her vital indications stable.

Unlike Kyrie, her sister Brielle with a lower weight soon showed heart and respiratory problems. Her blood/ oxygen level was poor and she was not gaining any weight. On November 12th her condition was critical, with severe respiratory difficulty, hiccups, high heart rate and bluish color in her skin. The nurse that was looking after her tried by all methods available to help her, without success. As a desperate measure, and against the hospitals protocol, but with parental permission, she passed Brielle to Kyrie´s incubator, so they could be together for the first time since birth.

As soon as the girl was reunited with her sister, she started to calm down. In a few minutes, snuggling next to her sister, her oxygen levels improved dramatically. Kyrie then placed her little arm over Kyrie until she fell asleep. Soon both girls were fine and went home, where they shared their first cradle.

Time has passed since then. More and more people in the last years has became more aware of the relationship between our thoughts and feelings and changes in a physical world. Many books have been published with studies about how feelings, words, emotions, intention, and, in short, Love, have an effect that is not just subjective but physical and measurable. Many of us understand this truth, because we follow what our heart and intuition tell us. Personally, I am one of those that doesn’t need to know how everything works as long as I plug it in and I can benefit from it.

For those that like to understand how this interaction is possible, there are some titles that help understanding this process, or, at least demonstrate, without a doubt, that it happens.

“The miracle of water” , “Hidden messages in water” by Dr. Masaru Emoto. In my opinion, these are some of the best books about the subject, not only because of the beauty of the pictures, but because of the simplicity of the concept. Dr. Emoto takes pictures of drops of water before and after exposing them to different vibratory stimulus, like sound, written words or feelings. In the pictures taken before the exposure, water shows irregular patterns; whereas, in the pictures taken from water that has been exposed to the stimuli we can see the beautiful crystals that have formed. Considering that more than 70% of our body, as well as the planet is water, Dr. Emoto’s job is really relevant.

“The field” and “The intention experiment” by Lynne Mc Taggart are books that relate emotions with physical effects.

“Biology of beliefs” by Bruce Lipton. This cellular biologist explains in a clear and understandable language, his work in biology at a cellular level. This work lead him to witness the mind - body connection at its origin.

“Hands of light” and “Light emerging” by Barbara Brennan. Dr. Brennan shares her knowledge after researching and investigating the Human Energy Field for 30 years. She explains its anatomy, its functions and its role in our health and our life.

In any case, for all of us, the believers and the non believers alike, this story is an important reminder. Hugs are good. For the giver and for the receiver. It makes us feel loved, looked after and accompanied. They relaxed us, bring us peace, they reconcile us with the world and with our own demons. They lighten our burden and dissipate many black clouds. Let’s hug. Let’s hug often. With love. With respect. Without agenda. Without conditions.

By Helena Aramendia. Alowed the partial or total reproduction as long as the source is credited.

The future of religions

Humans have felt the need for religion since the earliest of times. Religions are cultural traditions related to spirituality; behind them, human organizations claim a divine origin, in order to ensure little or no challenge to the status quo from their followers. I would like to reflect here about the role that religions had played in our history. However, more importantly, the position that I can foresee for them in the not to distant future.

What are religions and why do we need them?

Since humans became a sentient species, they have felt the need to connect to their source. They have felt, even if it was only intuitively, that there was something else, beyond their physical world. Their spiritual world was personal, intimate and a direct contact to what they could perceive as a bigger reality or God, even if they channeled it through elements like rocks or the sun, as in animists religions. A feeling of vulnerability made them look to it for protection and also made them accept the authority of the ones that seemed to be more able to understand or even communicate with that elusive realm of non-physical realities. Some kind of religious leader was as common in prehistoric human groups as was a hunting leader or a war leader. However, for a leader to differentiate himself from the group, he needed to:

a) have more knowledge, more experience, more ability in his performing tasks, or

b) exert a greater control over the rest of the pack.

And so gradually, the leaders made customs, which then became habits, evolving into rituals and then finally religious laws or cults.

As societies grew more complex, so did the role of the religious leader. Over centuries, traditions accumulate, as well as rituals and rules. History passed orally from generations to generations everywhere, grew rich in details and explanations about our origins, our relationship with the Sacred and the external ways or rituals that we use in order to live and feel that relationship. Once we have: an explanation about where we came from, a specific god or gods, a set of expectations for us in respect to the deities, and specific ways of worshipping, we have a religion. The different traditions are just cultural manifestations. From animist to polytheists to monotheists, religions have evolved.

Four of the five more important religions (I mean important only attending at the number of adepts) are quite recent, relatively speaking. Judaism, Christianity, Islam and Buddhism.

The oldest one of those, Judaism, the first monotheist religion, is “just” 3300 years old (since Moses time). A great majority of people in the world have a single religion, because of cultural (through family or societal ties) or physical proximity to the origin of that religion. Even the relatively small amount of people that choose their beliefs once they are discerning adults, are many times influenced by their situation (for instance, marriage) or environment.

Religions are God inspired but human designed and managed organizations. They are useful for millions of people that find in them a way to God, or a way of making sense of some difficult moments in life. They are the easiest way to channel our spiritual needs, because they are like a pre-packed meal: ready to go. We simply need to follow the suggestions of our leader be it priest, rabbi, guru, lama, or medicine man, and he will guide us and take care of our souls.

As our lives have become more complicated, it is easier to delegate into their hands the responsibility for our spiritual life. It is a basic human need to reach towards our origin and is a longing of our spirit to have some kind of contact with the source. It is nourishing, soothing and a source of happiness. It gives our lives a deeper meaning. Moreover, institutionalized religion are so ingrained in society, that they can also give us a sense of approval and acceptance in society, as we comply with the expected liturgy.

Religions have negative aspects too.

Religions can also create separation and duality, by definition belonging to one group often implies not accepting the others as truthful (even if we respect them). If I am Christian I cannot be Muslim, if I am Jew I cannot be Hindu. This is duality. During many point in our history religions have been magnifying and demonizing differences and encouraging rejection of other belief systems, in order to achieve supremacy, even when that tone can’t be found in the original texts. Along history, this has reached the point where more people have died and been tortured in the name of religious considerations than for any other reason.

Due to the human nature of institutionalized religions, they have been linked to power, money or sexual deviations uncountable numbers of times during history, to the point that on many occasions the original spiritual meaning has been lost. Intolerance and longing for supremacy have put religious institutions in a position where they play more a political and social role than a spiritual one.

Nowadays, many people focus upon the external aspects of religions, its rites, forms and precepts. As a consequence, the main function of religion, ones spiritual nourishment or growth, is often unmet. In different credos there are millions of very religious people that are not necessarily spiritual people. They are like the zealots of Jesus´s times, revolving around their own little world, condemning in their minds (and their social lives) everyone that does not abide by their specific worldview or doctrines.

Are religions keeping us apart? How useful to spiritual development is it to have a belief system that claims to be the exclusive religious truth holder, the real one, the one that leads to salvation while all the other pour souls will be lost. Whilst individuation is good in order to survive when we re growing up, it is not so useful once we reach a certain point of growth. As humanity, we are growing up now, and our only chance for survival is in a mature society.

Our next evolutionary step.

As humanity, we are now in a very particular moment in our evolution. Life as we know it is no longer sustainable following our current path. Patterns that worked for us before, are not working now. We need to reconsider and review all aspects of our life, under a different light. It is not about individual survival and competition any more. It is about thriving and growing as a single whole sharing one planet, in order to not only survive, but to reach our potential. Our path forward has to be through synergy instead of competition. It’s time for us to look to our more clear and perfect model: the human body and its relationship with a single cell. If we have a tumor in any part of the body, all the body is affected, as all is a single unit. Only with a perfectly healthy body can all the cells thrive and perform at their best, and vice versa. Our governing mechanism is the spirit, we need to realize that we are all one unit, and whatever happens to one of us, affects the rest.

In spirit, we are all one. We share a divine origin, regardless of the tradition, name and form that we give to it in our conscious minds,. This is common to us all. Our spirit longs for communion with its source, and everybody, left to their own devices will seek out and find a personal path to fulfill that need for communion.

More and more people are becoming conscious of this reality. They feel less need for institutionalized religions, as they meditate more, and increase personal practices that fulfill their spiritual needs, like helping others, for example. They also realize that other religions are like other languages or other foods: something to know, to share, to respect, to learn from, but not something that should become a source of separation for us nor a method to define the value of the other person in relation to ourselves.

What then does the future hold for religions? It is clear that religions will not disappear by suppression (one only needs to consider the reemergence of religion following the fall of communism in Russia), rather they will eventually become redundant. Like the need for living in a cave, or the need to look after the fire in a group, as a species we will outgrow them, in favor of a true spiritual growth based on our further developed understanding. When we come to realize our divine origin, and we rediscover the way to connect directly with the Creator (regardless of the label), we will be able to find in that connection all that our soul longs for.

We are growing up as species, and soon we will have evolved beyond the daily routine centered upon providing for our basic needs and feeding ourselves. We will grow mature and independent, able to assume Love as our nature and source of power.

It is true that looking at our current situation, reading any newspaper, seeing how the world looks now, it does not seem to be very probable that we are nearing a break through. Never the less, we might also reflect that it is also darkest before dawn and like remodeling a house, it gets worse until it gets better. A good purge is necessary and lots of darkness will surface, before the new reality can manifest itself. In the meantime, keeping centered in our purpose and our true self and focusing upon our individual spiritual growth will help to anchor the new earth.

By Helena Aramendia. . Alowed the partial or total reproduction as long as the source is credited.