I don’t know if is the after holiday blues, or it is just coincidence, but I am noticing that many people seem to be more stressed or worried than usual. I’ve also noticed that although problems are different, they have something in common: they are not really real.
I think it was Mark Twain that said “I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened”. It is true, if we think about it, many of our worries are not real. They are potentially problematic situations, that may never happen. They are just fears that we create when we insanely insist upon having negative thoughts. We make a world of other people’s comments, gestures, or opinions. Often, unimportant facts get in our way, if they do not fit our expectations. Moreover, when it comes to making difficult choices, we take into consideration factors that distract us from the core of the decision at hand.
I am aware of the fact that in life, things happen that create suffering, and there are very harsh moments that we have to endure. It is not my intention to be insensitive with anybody that is going throughout a moment like that. However, the rest of us can really reconsider if so much worrying about everyday life is necessary. The answer is, of course, that is it not.
Normally, the best advice is the most difficult to follow, and is the advice that triggers the most irritated responses: be calm, relax and don’t worry so much. My dear friend Ana usually has an answer for that. She says: “So, which button is the one to push?” , meaning if it was that easy to overcome we would just have a “don’t worry” button....
I see that when I advise somebody to be calm, to stop churning on the problem, to relax, they look at me with disappointment in their face, to say the least. They automatically think that it is much easier to say that than it is to do it. They look at me as if I had said something really moronically obvious.
At that moment I answer to their concern, “To worry is an automatic response learned with years of practice and is a mental trap we fall into. To remain calm, however, is an option we can choose, one that we choose to do when we finally realize that it is possible to do so”. Yes, it is possible. In fact, I can assure you that it is easier to do than it is to think about it. Like almost everything else, it is a question of getting down to it, and we are going to do it in three steps.
First: The first step is to make the decision to calm down. I assure you that it can be done. When we say we can’t we are putting in place a resistance. I don’t mean to think about calming down, but to decide to do it. Not like we do when we decide that “next month I will start an exercise program”, but like someone that leaves everything they are doing, leaves home and starts walking or biking for an hour in that precise moment. If we don’t make that decision seriously, it means that we are hooked into the adrenalinerush of suffering and being worried. Everybody knows that suffering is addictive. OK, we all choose our own addictions, but at least in this point, we can be aware that if we don’t decide to stop, we are choosing to continue our pattern and not to explore new ways.
Second. Once we have made our mind up, the next step is to relax our physical body. We live inside a cellular structure that supports more stress and tension that is advisable. We need to stop for a moment and be aware of the points where we accumulate tension, and how we feel physically. At this point, the temptation for us to go back and to start thinking again about what is worrying us. Success in “finding the button to push”, is in not giving into that temptation at the moment it arises. We leave the worry aside a few more minutes, and we keep ourselves centered.
By noticing all the accumulated tension, we may feel an emotional response, feeling angry, tired or overwhelmed with any other emotion. That is part of the process and it means we are making progress. Now we can do whatever is necessary to alleviate that stress, whether is it crying, resting, massaging the more tense areas, or any other physical or emotional response. Only by allowing ourselves to process this, will relaxation be possible.
We should start by finding a comfortable position, and noticing that our breath is calm for a few minutes; notice if there is tension, or not in your muscles. If there is tension, see if you can perceive it and accept it as it is, until you can do something more about it.
Third. Those of you that are thinking that the next step is to meditate, …nope. It would be great, and for those with the habit of meditating, this is a good occasion. However, I don’t believe that the path to finding the good things in life is just for those that meditate. On the contrary, I intend to avoid indoctrination and to simplify the way, and I believe that we can all be happier and have fewer problems, whether we meditate or not. That said, the next step is to remember a series of facts that, because of their nature, are able to improve our vibratory rate when we remember them and we immerse ourselves in them, such as:
1.- I am alive and I feel happy for it.
2.- I feel grateful for __________________ (fill the blank with anything you want, and feel that gratitude intensely. Take your time and enjoy every second).
3.- I love very much _________________________ (family, friends, partner, even pets, places or actions have space here. We shouldn’t forget to put ourselves too. Again, take your time and enjoy being with that feeling, as this is the whole point).
4.- I can’t change the world but I can change myself.
5.- I can’t choose what has happened to me, but I can choose how I react to it.
6.- Experiences are useful for growth, learning and improvement.
7.- Problems can not be solved in the same mind set where there were created, so I can see things different when I look at them from a different perspective.
For those with spiritual or religious beliefs, there is a number 8.
8.- I ask for and I am open to receive help and guidance from ____________________ (fill the blank with your guide, master, angel or divinity you like to worship, depending on your beliefs) for my own and everybody else’s good.
(Important note: If you feel unable to acknowledge the truth of any of the above points, then you DO have a real a problem, so you can forget about what was worrying you before and focus on the statement that you are having difficulty with).
Done. That’s it. We pushed the “button”. The problem has probably not gone away, but we are in a much better position to deal with it now. We are in a better, healthier and more mature state of being. It is like facing a mechanical problem with the right tools, the instruction booklet and all the time in the world. If we are able to really feel all the previous points, (only reading them does not count, as it is clearly not enough to change your perception) we are better equipped to face the situations that life brings towards us.
The reason for this is that the steps outlined above are examples of actions that make our vibration rate higher, and balance our chakras, which are the doors that we use in order to metabolize the energy that we need. When we do this this, it is easier for us to access more creative resources, more innovative solutions and more practical ideas to face our day-to-day challenges. We are more able to separate a real problem from an unnecessary worry and gain a more balanced perspective. Thus, we can take action in accordance with a more balanced view. From this emotional and mental state, we can stop worrying about things that don’t have a solution, and get focussed in a practical way with the things we can affect. With regard to things that create real suffering in our life, we will be in a better condition to refuse the suffering that does not belong to us and to face the ones that we cannot avoid.
We can do it, no doubt about it. We deserve, we can and we will have fuller and happier lives as a result.
I hope this simplified guide is helpful. Of course, we always have the option of calling a friend for help. Whether you are the final consumer or you are the friend in charge of reminding others of the path, I would love for you to write to me and tell me your story, tell me if this was useful or not.
Helena Aramendia. Allowed the partial or total reproduction as long as the author and the source are credited.
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