Are you worrying too much?

I don’t know if is the after holiday blues, or it is just coincidence, but I am noticing that many people seem to be more stressed or worried than usual. I’ve also noticed that although problems are different, they have something in common: they are not really real.

I think it was Mark Twain that said “I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened”. It is true, if we think about it, many of our worries are not real. They are potentially problematic situations, that may never happen. They are just fears that we create when we insanely insist upon having negative thoughts. We make a world of other people’s comments, gestures, or opinions. Often, unimportant facts get in our way, if they do not fit our expectations. Moreover, when it comes to making difficult choices, we take into consideration factors that distract us from the core of the decision at hand.

I am aware of the fact that in life, things happen that create suffering, and there are very harsh moments that we have to endure. It is not my intention to be insensitive with anybody that is going throughout a moment like that. However, the rest of us can really reconsider if so much worrying about everyday life is necessary. The answer is, of course, that is it not.

Normally, the best advice is the most difficult to follow, and is the advice that triggers the most irritated responses: be calm, relax and don’t worry so much. My dear friend Ana usually has an answer for that. She says: “So, which button is the one to push?” , meaning if it was that easy to overcome we would just have a “don’t worry” button....

I see that when I advise somebody to be calm, to stop churning on the problem, to relax, they look at me with disappointment in their face, to say the least. They automatically think that it is much easier to say that than it is to do it. They look at me as if I had said something really moronically obvious.

At that moment I answer to their concern, “To worry is an automatic response learned with years of practice and is a mental trap we fall into. To remain calm, however, is an option we can choose, one that we choose to do when we finally realize that it is possible to do so”. Yes, it is possible. In fact, I can assure you that it is easier to do than it is to think about it. Like almost everything else, it is a question of getting down to it, and we are going to do it in three steps.

First: The first step is to make the decision to calm down. I assure you that it can be done. When we say we can’t we are putting in place a resistance. I don’t mean to think about calming down, but to decide to do it. Not like we do when we decide that “next month I will start an exercise program”, but like someone that leaves everything they are doing, leaves home and starts walking or biking for an hour in that precise moment. If we don’t make that decision seriously, it means that we are hooked into the adrenalinerush of suffering and being worried. Everybody knows that suffering is addictive. OK, we all choose our own addictions, but at least in this point, we can be aware that if we don’t decide to stop, we are choosing to continue our pattern and not to explore new ways.

Second. Once we have made our mind up, the next step is to relax our physical body. We live inside a cellular structure that supports more stress and tension that is advisable. We need to stop for a moment and be aware of the points where we accumulate tension, and how we feel physically. At this point, the temptation for us to go back and to start thinking again about what is worrying us. Success in “finding the button to push”, is in not giving into that temptation at the moment it arises. We leave the worry aside a few more minutes, and we keep ourselves centered.

By noticing all the accumulated tension, we may feel an emotional response, feeling angry, tired or overwhelmed with any other emotion. That is part of the process and it means we are making progress. Now we can do whatever is necessary to alleviate that stress, whether is it crying, resting, massaging the more tense areas, or any other physical or emotional response. Only by allowing ourselves to process this, will relaxation be possible.

We should start by finding a comfortable position, and noticing that our breath is calm for a few minutes; notice if there is tension, or not in your muscles. If there is tension, see if you can perceive it and accept it as it is, until you can do something more about it.

Third. Those of you that are thinking that the next step is to meditate, …nope. It would be great, and for those with the habit of meditating, this is a good occasion. However, I don’t believe that the path to finding the good things in life is just for those that meditate. On the contrary, I intend to avoid indoctrination and to simplify the way, and I believe that we can all be happier and have fewer problems, whether we meditate or not. That said, the next step is to remember a series of facts that, because of their nature, are able to improve our vibratory rate when we remember them and we immerse ourselves in them, such as:

1.- I am alive and I feel happy for it.

2.- I feel grateful for __________________ (fill the blank with anything you want, and feel that gratitude intensely. Take your time and enjoy every second).

3.- I love very much _________________________ (family, friends, partner, even pets, places or actions have space here. We shouldn’t forget to put ourselves too. Again, take your time and enjoy being with that feeling, as this is the whole point).

4.- I can’t change the world but I can change myself.

5.- I can’t choose what has happened to me, but I can choose how I react to it.

6.- Experiences are useful for growth, learning and improvement.

7.- Problems can not be solved in the same mind set where there were created, so I can see things different when I look at them from a different perspective.

For those with spiritual or religious beliefs, there is a number 8.

8.- I ask for and I am open to receive help and guidance from ____________________ (fill the blank with your guide, master, angel or divinity you like to worship, depending on your beliefs) for my own and everybody else’s good.

(Important note: If you feel unable to acknowledge the truth of any of the above points, then you DO have a real a problem, so you can forget about what was worrying you before and focus on the statement that you are having difficulty with).

Done. That’s it. We pushed the “button”. The problem has probably not gone away, but we are in a much better position to deal with it now. We are in a better, healthier and more mature state of being. It is like facing a mechanical problem with the right tools, the instruction booklet and all the time in the world. If we are able to really feel all the previous points, (only reading them does not count, as it is clearly not enough to change your perception) we are better equipped to face the situations that life brings towards us.

The reason for this is that the steps outlined above are examples of actions that make our vibration rate higher, and balance our chakras, which are the doors that we use in order to metabolize the energy that we need. When we do this this, it is easier for us to access more creative resources, more innovative solutions and more practical ideas to face our day-to-day challenges. We are more able to separate a real problem from an unnecessary worry and gain a more balanced perspective. Thus, we can take action in accordance with a more balanced view. From this emotional and mental state, we can stop worrying about things that don’t have a solution, and get focussed in a practical way with the things we can affect. With regard to things that create real suffering in our life, we will be in a better condition to refuse the suffering that does not belong to us and to face the ones that we cannot avoid.

We can do it, no doubt about it. We deserve, we can and we will have fuller and happier lives as a result.

I hope this simplified guide is helpful. Of course, we always have the option of calling a friend for help. Whether you are the final consumer or you are the friend in charge of reminding others of the path, I would love for you to write to me and tell me your story, tell me if this was useful or not.

Helena Aramendia. Allowed the partial or total reproduction as long as the author and the source are credited.

The best health care plan.

When talking about our health, we usually name doctors, medicines, hospitals and tests, but we mention less often the most important factor: responsibility. The best health system is the one that considers the patient, not just as somebody with the right to receive quality attention, but, above all, as the main and foremost responsible for his health.

Developed countries have a health care model designed to cover the citizen’s medical needs. Surprisingly, with the exception of some northern Europe countries, almost nobody is totally happy with it. When healthcare is private, there is usually a big imbalance between the wealthy and the poor, so there are a large number of people without the necessary coverage. When healthcare is public, there is a universal coverage, but, often, there is a problem with over saturated providers. A large part of the solution to this conundrum does not lie in political discussions about one versus the other (although I believe health care is a right and coverage should be universal). The solution lies within every one of us, and it is called “responsibility”.

Society at large is quite sick, because we choose not to look after ourselves. We have adopted unhealthy lifestyles, and we don’t want to accept that this has consequences. Then we go to see the doctor, with the childish attitude of somebody that expects other people to solve our problems. Talking recently with a physician friend of mine, he told me that many patients will ask him for a pill prescription to control cholesterol, blood sugar or hypertension, in lieu of making dietary or lifestyle changes to help. Heart disease, obesity, hypertension, or diabetes, are some of the most usual causes of visits to the doctor, but also some that we could avoid often with quite simple lifestyle changes.

The first and most important relationship we develop is the one with our own body. We interact with our environment through it. It allows us to communicate, to perceive life as we know it. It is important to look after it. I am not one of those that thinks we should be the healthiest in the cemetery, but I believe we must enjoy all ages, including old age, and the best way of doing that is with a body that is as healthy as possible. Benefits are many, and we all know them, including the economic benefits for society. But, it is not the doctor’s job to keep us in good shape, it is our responsibility. Many times, even if we look after ourselves, we can suffer traumas or disease. Welcome doctors, healers and medicines then. But I am sure that it is possible to reduce by more than half the use of medical resources by following some simple guidelines: eat well, rest enough, exercise, watch less TV, and be happy. Let’s have a closer look at some of those factors.

1.- Eating well. We all know what it means to eat well, but lets remember it briefly. It does not mean to eat expensive or to eat excessively. It means to eat healthily eating moderate but sufficient amounts, fresh products and a variety of foods. All this based on age and lifestyle, as everybody has different nutritional needs at different stages in their lives. Eliminate or reduce to the minimum the consumption of unrefined sugar, saturated fat, canned items, precooked and processed food (along with their chemical constituents). Unfortunately, however, many of us have become accustomed to consumption of pre-prepared foods, this is our first step toward relinquishing our responsibility for ourselves. Some of us may even be horrified with the thought of cooking or preparing something as simple as a homemade lunch. We use the excuse of our busy lives to rationalize that cooking is too much time and effort each day, but there are solutions for the lack of time, and we must to explore them.

Fresh salads, sandwiches and soups are easy to make. For cooked food, we can cook once or twice a week, and freeze the extra portions. Finally, it is worth exploring the possibility of creating a new social activity: sharing the lunchbox. Among friends, family or coworkers, in a group, everybody cooks a different day and they all share. It is enjoyable practical, and it helps to create a bonding with the people around us. In any case, I am sure that everybody in their specific case, can be creative and find a good solution to the lack of time to prepare nutritious lunch and dinners.

My readers know by now that usually in all my writings I consider the energetic aspects of every subject. In this case, food has to be able to sustain life. The denser a product is, the more processed, modified, cooked or old, the less able it is to sustain life: it is less “nutritious” energetically speaking. Many times, the dissatisfaction we feel after lunch is due to the fact that even with a full tummy, we are not well nourished, so the body keeps sending hunger signals. Fresh produce, raw veggies, fruits, grains, even animals that are grown and killed in certain conditions (for non vegetarians) are also good energetically. These types of foods are able to nourish us and sustain life.

Animals that come from industrial farms often have large amounts of hormonal and antibiotic treatments. Those products end up in our bodies when we eat. Furthermore, energetically, the stress, fear and suffering that those animals endure, and the unhealthy conditions that they live in, have a very low vibration rate. This low vibration is not only unable to sustain life, but it is also a burden to our own vibratory level.

There is a simple math associated with this situation. We eat products with different vibratory rates. When we add up all that we eat, the higher the result, the easier is for us to keep a high vibration. This translates to a better body functioning.

2.- Physical exercise. I am not going to discuss here the generic benefits of exercise, because we all know that. Rather, I would like to focus upon just two facts that we often overlook. The first one is that the human body is designed to be physically superior to most animals, we must recall that we needed to hunt them to survive for thousands of years. The body is not designed to be sedentary for twelve hours. If our life forces us to be so sedentary, we have to find a way to compensate for this fact, and to find time and space to do exercise regularly. This should be seen as a priority of the same importance as eating, sleeping or washing. There are no excuses not do it, if we are to be responsible for our health.

The second fact is that exercising is also good, at an energetic level. Many energetic blocks, or stagnant energy that we sometimes experience in our chakras or other parts of our human energy field, could be improved simply by taking exercise. Some exercises are better than others from this point of view. However, in general, by moving and breathing better there is an expansion of our aura.

The most evident benefit comes from the intention that we put in taking care of ourselves, and from the pleasure of giving our bodies what they need. As usual, to be aware of what are we doing multiplies the benefit and the results of our actions. Watching less TV will help in this objective of moving our bodies more as it is a very passive and low energy activity, it will also help with reducing the amount of mental trash we expose our senses and our minds to.

3.- To be happy. As a healer, I see every day that most diseases and physical problems are a consequence of situations that are unresolved in the emotional or mental bodies. Worries, suffering, not loving enough, not being able to forgive, or not following our purpose in life are all reasons that often lead to disease.

These mental hang-ups are not always avoidable, but with good training and guidance, many of them can be avoided or fixed, before they became so strong as to create disease. It is our responsibility to accept this fact and to take the necessary measures to resolve them. Moreover, whenever we need a therapist, it is important to remember that our best option is to create a team with our primary care physician, the appropriate specialist and a healer that supports the process. This speeds and complements the physical healing process, by supporting the emotional, mental and energetic aspects of the condition.

In some European countries, In addition to using healers in the public health systems, they are also taking measures to make patient responsibility central to the process. For instance, smokers have to pay larger fees for their medical insurance or services. Some obese people have to reduce a certain amount of weight before they can have some non-urgent surgery. Do we need to arrive to that point?

Personally, I believe that if we start changing and we educate our children so they develop healthy habits from the start, we can have a healthier next generation, and we can make a better use of health resources.

To sum up, we need to accept that we are responsible for our own health, we need to focus our energy upon prevention and on having a healthy life style. Governments are there to facilitate the appropriate resources, and therapists are there to collaborate and guide us whenever necessary. But our health is mainly in our hands, not in theirs. To talk about responsibility does not mean to talk about guilt. To be responsible means to be aware of what we can do, and to do it. Not to focus on our prior unhealthy habits, but also not to allow ourselves to make excuses for not taking responsibility for ourselves.

Article by Helena Aramendia

Allowed the partial or total reproduction, as long as the author and source are credited.

Where does happiness live?

Do you consider yourself a happy person? What about your friends and relatives, how many of them will answer positively to that question? I would like to reflect today about our pursuit of happiness. I will not talk about why some of us have an easier life than others, rather about how people with similar lives and problems, have different perceptions, reactions and attitude regarding their life.

First of all, let’s establish common ground about what happiness is. As an abstract concept, it could have a different definition for everyone. Nevertheless, we can probably agree in saying that happiness is a long lasting feeling of content and satisfaction that is not limited to a specific moment or cause. Notice that I mention the words “long lasting”. We are not talking here about the joy of the moment, the “sugar high”. We are talking about the elusive feeling that inspires poems, music and paintings, whether it is because of the bliss of its presence or because of the pain of its absence or sometimes its unattainable nature.

Now, let’s imagine any average person that you know. Think about people with normal problems, not with big dramas or challenges. Who do you think is happy? Who do you think is not? There are many articles and statistics about this subject, including considerations such as: countries where we live, gender, wealth, jobs, religious beliefs, or applying the famous Maslow´s Hierarchy of Needs. However, simplifying most statistics conclude that once basic needs are met (or even barely met), all these parameters are irrelevant. They notice that the feeling of belonging to a social group and having some kind of religious or spiritual belief are often a common factor in happiness. They all arrive to the conclusion also, that money or material comfort, are definitely not an important factor. I believe there is a little bit of truth in most of these studies, but today I want to tell you what I notice about the happy people that I know, beyond those considerations.

Probably the most important thing that I see is that happy people do not identify with their life or their situation. This is my personal definition of freedom. They do not rely on any external factor in order to feel happiness. They are happy even if, at a given moment, they feel upset, or sad. They “are” intrinsically happy even if they “feel” different emotionally at some point. That makes me think that if both feelings are possible at the same time, it is safe to conclude that happiness is not an emotional response, but a state that is generated and developed at a deeper level. Is happiness a state of the soul ?

Most people get trapped in the belief that certain requirements are needed for us to be happy. Their life is a constant pursuit of steps that are considered necessary, like finishing a degree, finding love , having a good job, having kids or improving one’s appearance. The truth is that happy people are happy regardless of their situation. They are not necessarily the most wealthy, healthy, beautiful or successful from a social point of view, but they are the most morally and spiritually advanced. That may be a reason why, with the same circumstances or environment some are happy some are not. Life is in constant movement, and challenges are part of it. To be alive is, by definition, to be vulnerable, to be at risk, to have problems, to encounter situations that we label as positive and others that we consider negative. If we expect to find happiness when all situations in our life are under control or just how we like them, it would be an elusive and fleeting conquest. For the same reason, when asked about this subject, some people told me that happiness is not possible because it would mean to be in denial about all suffering in the world. How can anybody be happy when many others are victims of violence, injustice, slavery, extreme poverty…? The answer is not to be in denial about it, but to embrace it as a challenge, as something worthy of working on. It is similar to unconditional love, we don’t love somebody because they are perfect, we love them despite their flaws. Not because we don’t see them, but because we embrace them as a whole. When we do this, we are operating following directions from our soul, not from our mind. Let’s have a closer look at this concept.

Humans are multidimensional. No matter what your religious beliefs are, or if you have any, most of us would agree in describing humans as complex, multidimensional beings, with a physical body, a mental body, an emotional body, and a soul, or spiritual body. Although the last three are of a more subtle nature. During our life, as well as during our every day moments, we operate from one dimension or another. The needs of our bodies will determine what we do some times, our thoughts or our feelings will guide us at other moments.

There is nothing wrong with that, except when there is an imbalance, or we live centered too much in one of them. Let’s consider a simplified overview of this theory: when our physical bodies are in charge of our life, we have individuals with addictions (alcohol, food, sex, drugs…) In those cases, physical pleasure is taking the central stage of our life, not leaving space for anything else, and inhibiting or disregarding other aspects, like our emotional or our mental bodies. When our mental dimension is controlling the other three, we have an individual that rationalizes everything to the point of disregarding emotions and feelings, or disrespecting the body. Workaholics, relationship challenged people, are possible examples of this group. What happens when is our emotional body is the one wearing the crown? That will lead to emotionally unstable people. It seems clear that we need a balance, healthy people have a balance in which all our bodies fulfill their roles and are satisfied and fulfilled in return.

However what is the role of our spiritual body, soul, solar angel, essence or whatever name you are comfortable with? Our soul carries the blueprint, the plan of incarnation. Our essence, unlike our personality is who we really are. All our other bodies are vehicles and useful tools to accomplish our life purpose. They are subdued to our essence, which is the source of guidance for our lives. From this point of view,happiness is not something to achieve, it is a measure of achievement. When this balance is in place, we are happy. When there is an unnatural or unintended order, we feel discomfort, pain or emptiness. Those feelings are often just a sign of our essence been ignored. Obviously we don’t ignore it purposely, we do it by focusing our attention in one or another of our other dimensions. For many people, to follow their essence is a natural process. They are unaware of it, they are just naturally happy and they don’t need the consciousness of observing or understanding the process. For others, like me, it has been a discovery, a trip that became conscious at a given moment. It does not matter how our journey is, the pursuit of happiness is really the pursuit of our life purpose, as it should be our natural state. As such, it is a good guide for when we need to change direction, or when we need to know that we are following our path.

I believe that, after all those considerations, happiness seems more attainable. First, we need to understand that it is a choice, it is our right and it is our natural state. Our images or our beliefs determine our reality, so the first step is to notice what our beliefs are and to challenge the ones that are not useful in our lives, or that stand in the way of us having a more fulfilling life.

The second step is to be aware of our spiritual nature. This is called awakening; using a J.K.Rowling simile, it is the difference between muggles and wizards. Using a Mafalda approach, it is the difference between us living our lifes or life driving us. In my own words, consciousness is the difference between feeling alive and happy versus just surviving. To be aware of our spiritual nature means to realize that we are eternal spirits, temporarily incarnated in a body, and not the other way round.

The third step is to learn how to witness our feelings, our thoughts, our attitudes, noticing what is important for us, what is in tune with our purpose. This will require total honesty, so we can recognize when are we acting following old patterns determined by our egos, traditions, or by what other people expect of us. We will also notice where we feel trapped and powerless.

From there, we need to make choices that honor our true needs. Those choices will eventually shape our relationships, our jobs, our appearance and our lives. In this way, how we deal with all obstacles will determine our growth.

To sum up, happiness is not a selfish objective, but a birthright and a natural state, that has the purpose of evaluating and measuring how our life is enfolding. To be present, to develop our consciousness and to learn how to witness our inner processes are a good way to find happiness. Aren’t we lucky that our g uide for controlling our growth and improvement is through pleasure?

By Helena Aramendia. Allowed the partial or total reproduction as long as the source is credited.